But I've Always made A's in English!

“But I’ve always made A’s in English!” (Sob, sob.) If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard that phrase, I’d be . . . well, not rich, but I would be able to fill my gas tank occasionally. The Barney generation, as a friend of mine calls it, is here. You remember Barney, don’t you, the star of a PBS children’s show called “Barney and Friends”? You don’t remember? I don’t blame you; I’d like to forget Barney myself. Barney made education fun and painless by singing and dancing his way through lessons disguised as crappy amateur hour productions entertainment. Nobody failed a lesson and all children were successful in the world of Barney. Nurture their little souls! Feed their little egos! Praise and reward them for doing nothing! But be prepared to bail them out of jail for not realizing that their friend the policeman wasn’t amused when they didn’t obey the law. And, be prepared to hide your head in shame when they curse the policeman for not handing out Smiley Face stickers during the intake process. Back to the “But I’ve always made A’s in English” mantra—do you have any idea how hard it is to restrain myself from replying, “Yes, but we don’t color worksheets and watch movies in my class. We actually, shockingly, unbelievably do WORK, you know, that 4-letter word that begins with a W? It doesn’t matter how many times I say that AP English Literature and Composition is a horse of a different color when it comes to English. Parents and prospective students nod their heads, assure me that they understand that it is COLLEGE English and is taught and graded as such . . . and then begin screaming when the first B (or worse) appears on a paper. “But I’ve ALWAYS made A’s . . .” Yeah, yeah, yeah, so go to another English class if all you want is the almighty A. A’s are earned in my class, not given, and when my students see an A on one of their papers, they know they have achieved something special. I’m sure Barney has reserved a special place in hell for me because I won’t go along with the giving-something-for-nothing system. I’m also sure that Barney would be appalled if he knew how I felt about the No Child Left Behind legislation. What a ridiculous idea that every child can move right along through the educational system and never be left behind. I’m old enough to remember that the kids who got left behind in the 1950’s and 1960’s got with the program very quickly when they saw their friends go to the next grade while they, the ones who hadn’t mastered the material, stayed behind. The embarrassment! The shame! Believe me, little Dickie Rogers went from a blob occupying space and breathing air in his 7th grade classroom at Cullen Junior High to a genius the next year, wide-awake and learning the work. He wanted OUT of the 7th grade more than anything in the world, and to the best of my knowledge, he never failed another class after that. He got with the program in a big way. By the way and to his credit, Dickie didn’t whine to his teachers that he’d “always made A’s.” Whining and threatening teachers was NOT acceptable conduct back in the old days. Kids took their lumps and learned that if they wanted good grades, they had to study hard and not be a knucklehead in class. I won’t launch into my No Child Left Behind/Every Child Can Learn tirade here; that’s for another day and another blog. My health is pretty good, but the “always made A’s” phrase raises my blood pressure, makes my heart pound, and causes my eyes to turn red. I’d hate to think what might happen if I stirred into the mix the No Child Left Behind/Every Child Can Learn garbage. Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out . . .